By Zakeia Tyson-Cross

July 15, 1969, my daddy was taken away from me
He left with a plan to make hot summers cooler and
Cold winter nights, warmer
New York municipality wouldn’t give him a job
And the candy factory turn him loose after three months
He looked sharp and official in his uniform
Momma was proud and my brother wanted to be him
And I was all too eager to see the fruits of his labor when he returned
18 days later
My daddy had gone into service
3 months later
Larry, daddy’s friend started to drop by frequently
Momma said he fixed things and kept her company
6 months later
I get a I love you letter from daddy
8 months later
Momma started feeling sick
Me and my brother was sent to granny’s house in East Harlem for a while
A couple of days stay turned into a couple of months
But we were relieved that daddy was coming home soon
His tour was dated to end June 25, 1970
I remember it all too well
It was sunny, warm and dark at the same time
My heart broke and mother’s blended with the earth
My daddy came home but nothing was the same
2 years later
Smack took my daddy away and my brother and I were made orphans
We buried daddy next to momma
15 years later
My brother was killed
In 1986
I stopped yearning to live
Doors shut, windows closed, lights off
Sicken with the flood of memory
Butt cheeks pressed against the cold tiles of my bathroom floor
Cold sweat palms my syringe
Right fist forward
And fragile teeth grips the tight in my ol’ man’s leather belt
This is what I do to numb whatever’s left
It’s never like the first time
I’ll keep chasing it like daddy was chasing his dream
Maybe this time I’ll catch it