By Zakeia Tyson-Cross
As I reflect on my previous relationships, I recall the horror and hurt I felt behind the thick walls of my Atlanta home in 2004. Images of me plastered against the wall — filled with anguish and terror — flash through my mind. My silent and prayerful pleas for mercy fall on deaf ears as the man I dated stood with one hand wrapped around my neck and the other holding a knife. He intended to kill me, to take away my life because he deemed it to be unworthy. I quietly whispered to him, “It’s not my time,” and within minutes he dropped the knife and stepped away. At that moment I decided that I wanted to live in complete happiness, because love is not supposed to hurt.
Over time. I contemplated how best to share my story and came to the conclusion that I must tell the truth. Many incidents put up red flags prior to the terrifying event, but I chose to ignore them. Women like me disregard the verbal abuse that men hurl at them, not with epithets and hateful slang but with thinly veiled attempts to destroy their confidence. They say things like:
• You should know your place as a women.
• You’re not confident, you’re just a show off.
Violence in a relationship can be misconstrued as some form of tough love. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention 2011 report, 23.2% of female victims of domestic violence experience their abuse before age 18 (11–17 years).
We can blame media and popular cultural for skewing public opinion around domestic violence. Our society thrives on misogyny and does not value women’s bodies.
Why do so many accept patriarchy as a blueprint that excludes women and demonizes those who step out of it. They re-victimize survivors by making/accepting excuses for violence against women and girls, sometimes going so far to suggest that the victims deserve their treatment. We hear statements like:
• Victims usually get what they deserved; they are guilty because they provoked it.
• Violence is a temporary lack of self-control. It is an incident, not a pattern.
We must consider the real question: How can we better emphasize the importance of combating domestic violence while advancing a culture that values the right to safe and positive sexual experiences within a healthy relationship?
My perception of self-worth shaped my experience with domestic violence. Women battle with the decision to leave their violent partners every day and, tragically, many lose their lives. I live as a survivor and I hope that more women will savor the freedom that comes with that belief. If you are a victim of domestic violence or know someone who needs help, please contact the National Domestic Violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for expert advice and next steps.
Original Site: BK Nation